An Octopus walked into a bar. He then died as he had been out of his natural habitat for an exceedingly long period of time. An octopus can only survive on land for 30 minutes.

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What's the worse part about a Jewish man dying in a house fire? It was his birthday

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Why did the airplane crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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What's white and bobs up and down in a babies crib? A pedophiles ass.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Meals on wheels - eat up!

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"Hey want to hear the best knock-knock joke ever." "Sure." "Ok you start." "Knock-knock." "Whos there?" "..........."

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Knock, knock Who's there? Man Man who? The man who is knocking. Now open the door Carl!

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whats brown and fluffy? brown fluff

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? I don't know it really depends on the car, usually about 2 in the front, 3 in the back and... That's about it

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Justin Bieber walks out of a closet.

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A boy walks into a bar. Because he was under-age, security kicked him out as soon as possible and alerted his parents.

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What do you call a seagull that flew into the bay? Wet.

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What's do a woman's vagina and a camel's toe have in common? Other than being parts of two mammals, they have nothing in common.

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A man was eating a hamburger when a boy came up and took his hamburger. So the got up and went to the counter and orderd another hamburger

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What did the retard say to the other retard.. hey timmy how was work?

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What happens when you lay a diamond in the water for two hours? It gets wet.

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Why was the young women crying Because her fiancé who was battling a severe Case of pneumonia just passed away

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If you were expecting an antijoke you have come to the wrong place however here is a good recipe for a cake: Ingredients 2-1/2 cups 2% milk 1 cup butter, cubed 8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped 3 eggs 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 2-2/3 cups all-purpose flour 2 cups sugar 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt FILLING: 6 tablespoons butter, cubed 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped 2-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream GANACHE: 10 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped 2/3 cup heavy whipping cream Directions In a large saucepan, cook the milk, butter and chocolate over low heat until melted. Remove from the heat; let stand for 10 minutes. Preheat oven to 325°. In a large bowl, beat eggs and vanilla; stir in chocolate mixture until smooth. Combine the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt; gradually add to chocolate mixture and mix well (batter will be thin). Transfer to three greased and floured 9-in. round baking pans. Bake 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks to cool completely. For filling, in a small saucepan, melt butter and chocolate. Stir in confectioners' sugar and cream until smooth. For ganache, place chocolate in a small bowl. In a small saucepan, bring cream just to a boil. Pour over chocolate; whisk until smooth. Cool, stirring occasionally, until ganache reaches a spreading consistency. Place one cake layer on a serving plate; spread with half of the filling. Repeat layers. Top with remaining cake layer. Spread ganache over top and sides of cake. Store in the refrigerator. Yield: 16 servings.

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once you go black you prefer not to date any white people

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The WNBA

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What's the best part of any family reunion? Sodomy.

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Knock knock, Who's there? The police, you have committed 14 major felonies and you are being arrested.

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Q. Where do you find Indonesia A. On a map

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Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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