Trees are my friends because they welcome me with open limbs.

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What do you call a black man walking towards you with a gun? A defibrillator.

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Q: A young friend you met on the internet invites you over to his house. When you arrive, Chris Hansen enters the room. What does he say? A: Welcome to our home

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if quizzes are quizzical, arent tests testical?

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What do you call the CEO of a successful company? Rich.

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You are being like super pervert now, I would never ever even try weed, cocaine is the real deal, you know I do not mean that. Anyway does it work on everyone?

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If John has 50 candybars and eats 45 of them how many does he have left? Diabetes.

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Yo mama is so dumb that she failed the SATs

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A man killed himself.

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Weed.

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http://suckmytriforce.tumblr.com

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Did you know that a hamster and a cigarette are almost the same? How? Because they are both completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

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Gay jokes arn't funny. "Come" on guys.

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Why did Gary's cat fall from the tree? He didn't use enough gaffa tape.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? George Bush

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If life gives you lemons, throw them at people.

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Why did the black man cross the road? Because he lived an worked on opposite sides of the road, and so consequently needed to cross the road to work, and provide an income for his family, so they could have fresh food, clean water, and have money to pay the bills such as the mortgage so they didnt become poor and homeless, which would inevitably lead to illness and an early death for them all.

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Whats worse than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork

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have you ever heard of the mexican that went to college...no...oh me neither

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What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women crazy. A 6 inch long 2 inch diameter syringe filled with heroin being injected into a woman.

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At home, 3:20 pm - Close eyes for 10 mins, it's 3:30. At school, 3:20 pm - Close eyes for 20 mins, it's 3:40 and schools been finished for ten minutes.

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Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

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JOHN to MARY: Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet So are you MARY to JOHN: Roses are red Violets are blue Who are you? JOHN to MARY: Roses are red I'm your husband MARY to JOHN: No! JOHN to MARY: WHAT??? MARY to JOHN: Ex Awkward silence. Mary moves out the next day.

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A man walks into a bar. He then proceeds to get severe concussion, goes to hospital and dies three days later after suffering multiple brain haemorrhages.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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