What did the man say when he saw an orange? That's not a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a man in a pool with no arms and legs? Bob

thumb_up thumb_down -4

you know what rhymes with sloth. rape

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A man with ADD walks into a bar, what did he say? Look a squirrel!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you stop a baby from crying? You hit it with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Tyler: Why'd the monkey fall out of a tree? Donnie: who's there Tyler: dude this isn't a knock knock joke...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What word is ten letters long and starts with gas? Gastronomy.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A black man with a blond beard came to deliver me a pizza. I paid him, tipped him, and closed my door. I forgot the pizza. Dammit.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Your mother is so fat she has trouble finding clothes in her size.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Hey, there are 206 bones in the human body, would you like 1 more? ;) If you are referring to your penis, that is made of tissue, so it is not an extra bone. And no, I would not like your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Chrismas? Cancer. What did he get for his birthday? Nothing, he didn't live that long

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A little boy walks up to his father and asks his father to explain the birds and bees. The father then proceeds to rape the little boy.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

WHO WANTS SOW????

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A man, a woman and their child wen to a restaurant. There was a horse in it and they left. The Holocaust begun

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A man walks into a bar. He has a beer and then goes home.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why don't you push a mexican off a bike, because its probably yours,

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's brown and green, has six legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she has no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q. How do you make a fruit punch? A. In a punch bowl, mix together fruit punch, pineapple juice and ginger ale. Add scoops of sherbet into the punch. Wait for the sherbet to begin melting, approximately 10 minutes, stir gently, and serve.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

When life gives you lemons, make beef stew.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing, animals are in capable of formal cumunication.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Brothers and sisters,I have none. But my sister's daughter is also my daughter...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops