No thank you, I don't like violence

What's green and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

Elizabeth Warren

knock knock?? whos there?? Not yo cheese because i already ate it

Wife says to husband, who works is programmer, "Honey get out of bed there is a bug in the bed". Husband says "ok."

what happens when chuck norris does a push up. he pushes himself up

Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade? A: Because she's 21

How did Princess Diana cross the road? Through the windshield

Why did the Jew post a free link on his Facebook wall? Because it is funny and he hoped his friends would like it.

what does a granny look best in? 1950

What has a beard and bombed the World Trade Center? Oama Bin Ladin. No, but seriously he's a terrorist.

Q: What weighs 6 ounces, is extremely dangerous, and lives in a tree? A: A sparrow with a machine gun.

A man walks into a bar. He has a serious drinking problem and is destroying his life.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

What do you get when you stab a four year old in the chest 57 times A dead body

Yo mama's so fat, she's at risk for a number of obesity related disseases, including diabetes, hypertension, and heart dissease.

a mexican and a black guy are sitting in a car, who's driving? the police

When was George Washington born? Who the hell knows. He's older than dirt.

Why did the blonde fail her driving test? She was paralyzed and had down syndrome.

Why do black people eat watermelon? Because it taste good.

Why didn't the man go to work? He got stabbed.

What did the blind man say to the bartender? Nothing, I forgot to mention he's also mute and has no legs.

He was. I am sorry, he knows to much, this is for the well being of everyone, including yourself, he will be going down, the order has been given.

How can you tell if a substance is an acid or a base just by looking at it? You can't. pH or Litmus paper would be necessary in order to determine whether a substance is an acid or a base.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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