What do a gas and a liquid have in common? Nothing

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Jimmy said he would never beat his wife, so why did he do it anyway? Because he was a hypocrite.

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Why did the black man buy watermellon? Because he was having a barbecue in his suburban neighborhood and he wanted some fruit.

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Well... At that time everyone expected that the only people that knew hypnosis where either "born with the gift from the stars" or was some old beard man that spent "hundreds of years in the mountains".or a wizard or a shamanic priest, or well some guy in a particular stupid suit of sorts, it increased its potency simple as that, as having people stare at me and laugh because "You are not some beardy guru master" is a pretty bad start for the effective use of mass hypnosis. Mono-ideoism actually just means really concentrated focus on a single object or state of mind, the thing about the name (aside from sounding kinda mono-idiotic) is that strong focus alone does NOT lead to a state of relaxation which is one of the prime requirements to achieve a state of trance, I mean try focusing on something really hard and your body produces a huge amount of beta waves, aka stress. All of that is bullshit, but my horrible childhood did leave me with the "gift" to space out pretty quickly, so I learned it pretty fast without really knowing what it was at first.

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your mommas so fat because she has diabetes

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You: I have a question Person: Yes You: Do you have an answer?

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Howdid we get copper piping we put a Pennie between two Jules

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Why did the dead baby cross the road? It didn't. It's dead.

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A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" Then the mother, realizing how her son could later become confused, clarified. She said, "You can say you have to pee as long as you say it in a quiet voice." The boy understood. There were no problems afterwards.

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My mother has chlamydia. That's it.

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The Holocaust

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Not again!"

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Q: What do a dead cat and a flower have in common. A: Nothing, just go away.

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roses are red violets are blue porn hub is down your mums facebook will do

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"Honey im home!" but his honey was dead on the floor along with his 3 kids.

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Why did the ship crash into Italy? Because a woman took over driving it!

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What did the black guy do to his neighbor's car while he was away? Wash it for a for as a favor.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing, animals are in capable of formal cumunication.

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants.

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Whats faster than a black man running away from the cops? The speed of light.

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What's Jewish and gay? Henry Shine

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If a bear was mad he would be beary angry.

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why did the semen cross the road? i wore the wrong sock today.

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How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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