If Chuck Norris had five dollars and YOU had five dollars, he could still punch you in the face for free and get ten dollars out of it.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? She had no arms. *knock knock* -Who's there? -Not Suzy.

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Help I'm being raped!

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Johnny had 100 chocolate bars. He ate 95 and gave 3 to his friend. What does Johnny have now? Diabetes

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Last christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, you're body rejected the transplant and you died.

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what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer we're both lawyers

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Wanna hear a joke? Yes Then go on the internet and find some jokes.

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When life gives you lemons, you are most likely in the fruit section of the grocery store.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He looks it up first to make sure he's got it right before dialing.

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Why was Shane cool... Because he was a cool bean.

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What is the difference between a dead baby and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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what did sandy say to mr krabs nothing squirles are not smart enough to make a air tank and go under water

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What's black and white and red all over? A bloody zebra.

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Why was the iPhone screen cracked? Because it was dropped on a rock.

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If you rape a prostitute is it shop lifting?

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Person 1: "Ask me if I'm a rock." Person 2: "Are you a rock?" Person 1: "No."

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Why can't jesus hold skittles? They'd fall through his hands.

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What do you do with a dead black man? Respect his final wishes and provide him with proper funeral services.

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Your momma is so dumb she has to have weekly tutoring to help understand finding the value of x in an equation.

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Why did the black guy get kicked out of the bar? He was riding a jack hammer

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms

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What's similar about a fish and an eagle? They can both fly, except for the fish.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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