Guy A turns to Guy B and says, 'Hey, can I use your cellphone to call my mom?" Guy B nods and says, "Yeah, sure, just press redial." Guy B had been planning an surprise party for Guy A and had called Guy A's mother for ideas.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

"Hey, why won't you let me through?" "These tickets are fake." "No they aren't. LOOK OVER THERE!" The guard turns around, and then turns back. Minorly inconvenienced, he arrests the man immediately, upon which he is sent to jail and anally raped multiple times.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the chicken cross the road? There I no road.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Did you hear about Osama Bin Laden? Well, he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you make a telemarketer scream? Set him on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

roses are red. vilets are blue. I'm getting hungry. make me some food...bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock, knock! Who's there? interupting little turtle interupting little tur... LITTLE TURTLE!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A Cheerio is at Cheerio high school, and there is another Cheerio that he wants to ask to the prom, but she is a frosted Cheerio and because of Cheerio social statuses she would not go with him. So he goes to the Cheerio factory so he can become a frosted Cheerio. The factory workers tell him that he can be a frosted Cheerio, but the machines are malfunctioning today and they can only frost half of him. He agrees, and the girl Cheerio goes to the prom with him. He shows up at the prom with her, and she asks him to get her some punch. So, he's walking around, looking for the punch line, when he realizes: There isn't any.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is legally blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the man get a haircut? Because he had long hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a lazy good-for-nothing who can't succed at anything, steals your money, and who is unskilled in every way? A women

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Lil' Wayne

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a man walks in to a bar he says "what can i get for a free beer" the bartender says "okay but first you have to make my donkey laugh" so he goes in there and makes it laugh and gets a free beer ant then the next day he goes in and says "what can i get for a free beer" the bartender says "okay but first you have to make my donkey cry" so he goes in there and makes the horse cry and the bartender says " i will give you a free beer but first tell me what you did to make my donkey laugh and cry" the man says " first to make the donkey laugh i told the donkey i had a bigger penis than him then to make him cry i showed him

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what has four wheels and opens using a key? -a trunk on wheels

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? A: Names

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the man who brutally raped and murdered his infant daughter say? He didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What do you get when you stand a blonde on her head? A: HORSE DICK

thumb_up thumb_down +17

8

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for half an hr? They didn't and they died.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a girl with no legs? Disabled.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

An iman, a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. It's not the same bar. They feel uncomfortable mixing together and this makes me sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call an old widow with 12 cats? Forever alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why didn't the boy drop his ice cream He was hit by a bus and he wasn't eating ice cream

thumb_up thumb_down +15

George Washington delivered a short speech to his troops before they crossed the delaware river. Here it is: "Get in the boat."

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops