There are 100 men enjoying a cruise to celebrate an important contract going through at their place of employment. The boat then suffers a major malfunction and tragically sinks to the bottom of the ocean, miles from any land masses. Not a single man died, how is this possible? They all used the lifeboats supplied on the boat and followed the standard procedure to deal with such a crisis.

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What did the chemist say when his BBQ ran out of charcoal? Nothing interesting.

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My mom always said it was fun to jump into a pile of leaves... That was before she was devoured by a 10 ft. scorpion.

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What do a gas and a liquid have in common? Nothing

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Well... At that time everyone expected that the only people that knew hypnosis where either "born with the gift from the stars" or was some old beard man that spent "hundreds of years in the mountains".or a wizard or a shamanic priest, or well some guy in a particular stupid suit of sorts, it increased its potency simple as that, as having people stare at me and laugh because "You are not some beardy guru master" is a pretty bad start for the effective use of mass hypnosis. Mono-ideoism actually just means really concentrated focus on a single object or state of mind, the thing about the name (aside from sounding kinda mono-idiotic) is that strong focus alone does NOT lead to a state of relaxation which is one of the prime requirements to achieve a state of trance, I mean try focusing on something really hard and your body produces a huge amount of beta waves, aka stress. All of that is bullshit, but my horrible childhood did leave me with the "gift" to space out pretty quickly, so I learned it pretty fast without really knowing what it was at first.

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your mommas so fat because she has diabetes

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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And love is, bein' the owner of a company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you don't wanna reduce it at all cuz if the rape rate declines you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales. Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles? Who's gonna buy your whistles? Love is all about whistles.

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Why was a small girl found dead in the town park? Because Sallie was a bitch and deserved to die.

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Why cant you see black people when you are playing hide and seek? Because they are in a very good hiding spot

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Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Tell her something that doesn't make any sense at all.

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monkeys that understand what people say dont understand what people say because they understand CC

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My Muslim friend is always late to everything. We call him 9/12.

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what's the last thing you want to hear during surgery? your wife complaining

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Ask me if i am a tree? "Are you a tree" No.

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What do you call a black guy with no hair? Bald

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Chantelle, I loved you, but you cheated with Johnathan from Church...

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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ask me if i'm a tree are you a tree? No.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face Horse: I'm dying of an incurable cancer...

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how do you get a clown off a swing? hit him with an axe

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Q.whats long, black and hard to cut through? A.a line at kfc!

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? It's the police, they ask the questions.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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