A Jew walks into Macy's

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A polar bear walks into a bar, sits down, and says, "Can I have a.........................beer?" The bartender asks, "Why the large pause?" The bear responds, "I have a speech impediment"

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What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. It started raining and an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful time. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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Why don't chicken wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their face

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Knock Knock! Come in the door is unlocked. I have cookies!

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What is pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

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Why did the man poop his pants. becuase he had to poop.

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What's the difference between an X-box and Michael Jackson? One is an inanimate object and the other is a human being.

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A man goes to a doctor and says , "My arm hurts in 3 places." the doctor says, "Dont go to those places.

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It may be Stupid but its also Dumb. ~Patrick Star

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If life gives you lemons, squeeze it in life' s eyes.

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Statistically 9/11 Americans wont get this joke. But 7/7 British will.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is blind, deaf, and dead.

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Lets just say that we are beyond the stage where I am "just" trying, by the way, you might want to search that last comment for double negatives. Or you know NOT NOT. Do not take my word for it, but if I am not wrong, the bacteria (yogurt) leaves afterwards, so you are eating milk that has been eaten and then.. You know... A common "side effect" of hypnosis, is that when it is used, the one hypnotized (both in this case) end up feeling a "strange" case of closeness, stronger bonds, friendship etc, scientists wonder why... ITS LIKE DUH! WE BOTH REVEAL DEEP SECRETS TO EACH OTHER! THINGS WE DO NOT EVEN USUALLY TELL OURSELVES! Its a literal no brainer, scientits can go fuck themselves, because as far as I know, thats the only fuck they ever get.

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Why did the man fall of the building? Someone shot both of his kneecaps.

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Why did the little girl drop her school books? A kid jacked her in the head with a brick.

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Your mama is so fat that when she farted she called it global warming

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What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, Wait, what? huh

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Whats black and red inside? A black guy

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Your Momma is so fat that she will most like lose a leg to diabetes which is totally preventable if she eats a well balanced diet. I hope she loses weight. Say hi to her from me please.

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Yo mama's so poor that she's living in poverty.

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your no better than a cockroach

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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