- Anti Joke

The Detroit Lions

How do you get Doctor Phil in a bikini? Give him a little alcohol to ease inhibitions and offer him a suitable bribe.

knock knock whose there? suck my a s s barf

What do a worm and a human have in common? They both have arms and legs apart from the worm

"bluar blah blah blarRR/ the stupid pointless part" dead people/ animals/ objects can't talk/ drive/ operate compueter, lol I'm so focken funni

ur dug has tits <3 from Alec Bamford xxxxxxxx<3<3<3xxxxxx QAHS 4life

A Jewish man, black guy, and asian all walk into a bar. Can you guess which one got arrested? That's right, the criminal

What happened to Liam? He Died.

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

9/11.

Why couldn't the man read? Because he was illiterate

I hope you shut the others down before you called me by my name, otherwise this will convo will get fairly short.

Hitler Call of Duty Score Kills: 6 million Jews Deaths: 1

What did the Christian say to the Muslim. Nothing. He understood his right to have a opinion even if his religion is against it.

Why did the priest fall onto the alter boy? Because he lost his balance

What do you call five gay men walking in the same direction? I don't know the usual human does not take note of such circumstance.

What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing. Cats can't talk.

How much does a Polar Bear weigh? Approximately 500 lbs

A duck walks into a bar. He sees Khloe Kardashian sitting on a barstool. The duck runs out of the bar screaming.

What's brown and sticky? A Stick

What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock-eater.

SERIOUSLY EVERONE! I STRICTLY FORBID YOU TO GIVE MY COMMENT A GREEN THUMB! BECAUSE THEN I WOULD DIE A VIOLENT DEATH AND BURN IN THE FLAMES OF HELL! DO YOU HEAR ME! YEEEEAH, YOU BETTER GIVE ME A RED THUMB! YEAH! BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? I COULD NOT STAND THE THOUGHT OF MORE THAN ONE! GREEN THUMB! I WOULD JUST DIE AND YOU WOULD BE LEFT WITH THE GUILT! YEAH! PEOPLE WOULD HATE YOU! HATE! HATE! YOU AS THEIR HERO! I MEAN THEIR NERO... Same same... DIES! YES! Moral: CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED! YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO DIE, REPEAT AFTER ME: "I MUST GIVE NERO RED THUMBS, I MUST GIVE NERO RED THUMBS! I AM UNDER HIS CONTROL! I MUUUUST GIVE NERO RED THUMBS! YES DO MY BIDDING PEASANTS AND I SHALL SHALL BUILD THE FORTRESS OF SALTITUDE! ... WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GREEN THUMB! PUT IT DOWN AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! NO NOT UP, THE THUMB MUST BE DOWN! ...I am looking at you there... "YES YOU! NOT EVERYBODY ELSE! JUST YOU! YEEES I SEE YOU WAVING THAT NASTY GREEN THUMB OF YOURS! YEAH! SHAME ON YOU! WHAT WILL EVERYBODY ELSE BUT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT HUH? ...I will be silent now... But I am still watching, yeah! I am constantly here... ZzzzZzzz... AND AWAKE!... ..:SERIOUSLY! GREEN THUMB IS VERBOTEN! IT IS NAZI, IT IS HITLER! SHAME! SHAAME! Moral: Now, do you want my death by green thumb on your conscience? SHAAAAME! WHAT WILL THE COMMUNITY DO TO YOU! DO YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!? And next time on Dragonball DONTGIVEAFUCKING GREENTHUMBEVER Z! I shall be the one and only to give myself a green thumb, but remember... I am still watching... At you.... Now, I will stop talking... BUT RED THUMBS ONLY! present <<< Yes this is my constant presence.

Roses are red Violets are blue In Soviet Russia Poem make YOU!

Why did the Mexican stop mowing the family's lawn? Because he felt it was time for his son to learn some responsibility.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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