What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

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knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A nugget

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God is the English name given to a singular being in theistic and deistic religions who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism. He (I use the term 'He' as it is the most common conception) is said to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent. I highly doubt he will give you lemons.

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Ask me if my name is Jennifer. Is your name Jennifer? No.

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Why did the mother tell her son to get a job. She was tired of buying Generic brand food.

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There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he swallowed his shoe. But it turns out his dream was real, and he died because he could not digest a whole shoe.

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What's worse than a Wasp at a picnic? Two wasps at a picnic. What's worse than two wasps at a picnic? A serial rapist. What's worse that a serial rapist? Three wasps at a picnic.

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How do you make a nerd cry? Give him a 99% on a test.

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what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop 1027

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What's five times 10? Sixty, you retarded fuck.

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What'f funny and has 8 wheels? The Holocaust, I lied about the wheels

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The trick to making a good anti joke is having anticlimactic ending.

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what do you call a kid without arms and legs? Freak

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Roses are red, Bacon is red, Poems are hard, Bacon

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What did the hispanic guy say after he took a bite out of a McDonald's hot n' spicy chicken sandwhich. I'm lovin' it.

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A man throws a penny off of a cliff. He is now one cent poorer

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What do a woman and a female dog have in common? They were both annoying so I put them down.

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An Englishman, and Irishman, and a Scottsman walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate your mom.

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Why couldn't the mexican get a job? He was seven.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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