Whats the difference between a frog?

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Why do women wear perfume and makeup? Because they smell bad and are ugly.

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it's a grape and therefore unable to speak.

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A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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E= McVagina

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There's my tractor.

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how many jews can you fit in a buick? six if you squeeze 4 in the back

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Roses are red Violets are blue I picked them in the meadow this morning

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Three politicians walk into a sports bar. Suddenly, everyone is watching the Stanley Cup playoffs.

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If life throws you melons, maybe you are hitting the melons.

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Why did the boy die? He got shot in the face repeatedly.

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What do you call a bird with no wings? Dead

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Call of Duty is Awesome So is fingering a dead lion with an iron dildo

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who's there? Alzheimers

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your momma is so dumb.. ... because she was a slacker in high school but then turned her life around and is now a respected member of society

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Sometimes I fantasize about having sexual relations with Oprah Winfrey. Sometimes I don't.

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whats big, black and red all over? My mom when its that time of the month

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What's long, hard, and full of seamen? An ejaculating penis.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says,"Why the long face?" The horse replies,"I have terminal cancer."

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BOTTOM!!!

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Anti-Joke Delivery Service. Oh, just leave it by the door.

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If life gives you lemons ask where they came from.

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Roses are red Violets are blue The more you know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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