Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? because she was SHITFACED!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red, Violets are green, get in my bed, if you know what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

No, I do not have the will, I have a family now, I make a living writing fiction, and well, play a small role in keeping not national, but worldwide stability in such things as the economics. The thing is, that you are renegades, you do not break the law, but you like to do things your own way, that gets you enemies among the so called "paragons" in the face of society and media. Its just like back in the days, if CIA, The Feds, Interpol and such are known as the "Paragons of civilization" or "the good guys" if you prefer, they can point towards you guys, and say "these are evil", and then nothing can stop them.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: Why is the Universe so big? A: Because it is the same size as my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Did you hear about Helen Keller's dog? Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

3 men walk into a bar. they all take a cab home to keep from having an accident due to their intoxication.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Digress

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what is worse than finding a worm in your apple being tricked by your best friend to mule drugs over the boarder and then imprisoned in a Vietnamese jail, where you will most likely will be traded for sex and other horrid act of sodomy, only to escape and work as a sex slave to earn your way home, because that is the life you know now there is no way out you will die here.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Mama Bear and Papa Bear were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Bear a choice of which parent to live with. "Do you want to live with your mother?" the judge asks. "No! She beats me." answers the baby bear. "OK, then you can live with your father." says the judge. "No! He beats me too!" cries baby bear. So Baby Bear was placed in a foster home.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many pancakes does it take to fill up a doghouse? None, because ice cream doesn't have bones.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Wanna hear a joke? Denver Broncos.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender serves him and inquires about the man's day. The man says nothing, drinks his beverage, pays his tab and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Bob goes swimming in the ocean. Due to the fact that his father sexually abused him as a child, and never taught him how to swim, he drowns.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What happens when someone with ADD tells a joke? I forgot.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A dyslexic paraplegic walks into a bra

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Eats shoots and leaves Pandas. If you can't figure this out then you're probably 12

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than a worm in your apple? Captchas.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. He then joins them.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the train say at the party Thomas isn't really dumb ass

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A scotsmen, an Irishman and an Englishman all walk into a bar. The publican had accidentally left the door unlocked and the bar was in fact closed. So they left.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If you go to an animal shelter to get a pet god, you may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops