What happens when you cross a starfish with a dog? Dogs and starfish are from a different phylum. They are genetically incompatible.

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why cant monkeys swim? cause they dont have staberlizers.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Leukemia.

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What's a ghost's favourite country? Fraaaaance.

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Guess what I saw... Wood, I'm a carpenter.

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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"Have you ever seen a blacksmith?" "No." "Me neither."

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once upon a time there was a girl named katie. she walked across the road. she got hit by a truck. now she's in heaven. the end,.

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How fast do Jews cook? It depends how many you have in the oven at once.

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What's a fail with a bowl on its head, a 30 year old, and a 5 year old at the same time? Justin Beiber

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No, Trinidad.

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"It smells like up dog in here." "What's up dog?" "Not much, what's up with you?"

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You're welcome!

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How do you fit 3 squirtles two bulbasors and a charmander in a smart car You poke em on

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Someone stole my cookie from the cookie jar! So I bought another cookie.

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Q: Why didn't the mexican get into the bathtub? A: He was already clean

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What do you call two gay black men in one sleeping bag? There names

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Women's rights

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Know who had straight parents? Adolf Hitler.

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What did the cow say right before he was slaughtered and later to be sold? Nothing cows dont talk they can create a sound that most people describe as MOO though.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-BD0nWgoIw

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Tom and Phill are eating ice cream Tom challenges Phill to a contest to see who can eat their ice cream in one bite Tom finishes his in two bites Phil in one Then he looks like he got a brain freeze Tom notices and says "You idiot: you got brain freeze!" Phill turns around and says "No, I have a brain tumor."

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TOBUSCUS

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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