four little monkeys jumping on the bed... one fell of and bumped his head... mama called the doctor and the doctor said... im calling child protection services.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He was shot. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He was mentally disturbed. Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red I have a phone,no texts me am forever alone~The Jokers

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: Why did the boy go to the orphanage? A: His parents were dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you kill a blonde? Stab her repeatedly in the chest with a ball point pen

thumb_up thumb_down +8

no pen = no studying no studying = bad grades bad grades = no job no job = no money no money = no food no food = death DON'T LOSE YOUR PEN

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: wanna hear a racist joke? A: sure RB: You're pathetic!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

She is so fast We call her Email Instead of Emily...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A Polish man is walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He runs into one of his buddies, who asks, "Hey! What's in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man replies, "I'm sorry, my friend, but gambling is against my morals, especially when my family's only nutrition for the week is on the line."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey, guess what? What? Dammit!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I what's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? I don't have 10 watermelons in my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I said I hate niiggers

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Have you ever heard about the black man who got shot my a goat? Neither did I.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You're so fat. Well maybe to kids born in Africa.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar. They proceed to have an in-depth conversation about interfaith dialogue and no one questions the imam orders of non-alcoholic beverages.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what did the fat guy say to the girl ill make fun of you because i have bigger tits than you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a homicidal maniac, six has every right to be afraid

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Boy: If you didn't have feet, would you wear socks? Girl: No. Boy: Then why do you wear a bra?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's better than winning gold in the special olympics? Not being retarded

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the little boy screaming? He was going down a steep drop on a roller coaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How come the man couldnt read the directions? He was reading it upside down.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, killed 6's family and made him watch...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops