why did the pirate not get in to the pirate movie it was rated arrrrrr

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There is a man who is half black half Jewish. He walking up a hill really fast. What happens to him? Answer: The Jewish side of his body will fall off and the black side will walk away.

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Dory from Finding Nemo: "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy- Hey, I just met you."

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What is red and itchy? Something that itches and it turns red if you itch it to much

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How do you get a dog off of your roof? Shoot it.

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What did the monkey say to the owner of the world's rarest stamp? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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roses are red violets are blue my cat died and i have alsheimers who are you

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Why do migrant birds fly to the south? Because they can't get there on foot.

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Two aspies don't walk into a bar.

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what did the dog say? dogs can't talk therefore he said nothing

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Where do babies come from? My garage

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what's the difference between fulham and sunderland ? hugh grant and lilly allen's dad

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

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There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

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Your mom is so stupid she has trouble holding a steady job and struggles to support her family.

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wood cant chuck wood

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A baby elephant steps on a lego. First thought, auch, huh ?! Actually, the lego was fine with it and so was the baby elephant. Now they're married and are expecting a baby legophant.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady who got hit by a bus.

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How to you kill two birds with one stone? You use a precision hunting rifle to mortally wound two flying birds, then put them on a platform and break their skulls with one rock. Separately.

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jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water jack collapsed because of serious drug abuse and stress jill followed after not being able to handle the tragedy of her brothers death this wouldn't have happened if they got into my van when i asked them too.

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What do you call it when a woman doesn't want the child she is currently impregnated with? Abortion: a very sensitive and controversial topic.

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what is the awesomest of them all? me

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The other day, I broke my snare drum.... I still haven't fixed it and am planning on doing so soon.

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What's the difference between a live baby and a dead baby? A dead baby doesn't cry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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