What's there like a good neighbor? Your neighbor

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What did you say? I don't know.

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What do you call a Mexican baptism? A blessed occasion.

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Why was Timmy dirty? Because he was buried

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What's worse than getting hit by an arrow in the knee? Being kidnapped for 10 years and finally getting free only to find out your whole family was murdered by the person who kidnapped you.

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What do you call a black man that is working on a farm? A farmer.

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Whats yellow and cant swim? A bulldozer.

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What do you call a one eyed hippo? A do-you-think-he-potamus

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What did the squirrel say to the owl? Nothing, because owls and squirrels don't talk, but the owl ate the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

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Whats worse than a flat tire? penile fracture

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What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

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Why did the boy miss the school bus? He died in his sleep

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what's the difference between ya mum and a cow? nothing. by mad james

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25

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How did the comedian end his show with a bang? He shot 4 people in the audience. It was a horrible sight and the remainder of the people in the audience were scarred for life.

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Tommy has no arms and legs. What did he get for Christmas? Cancer

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There was a homeless man living all by his lonesome on a street corner, desperately begging for money. Suddenly, a car comes to a screeching halt and out of the window flies a thin, square piece of plastic. The hobo successfully catches it in both hands. "Whats dis?" he says, "What da hick can I do wid a stinkin wada plastic?" he says, failing to realizing the significance of the thin square of plastic, for he is but a hobo and has been out of touch with reality for quite some time. After some time, he gains back his common sense, "Aha!" he shouts, "it is but a condom!" A few days pass, the man wondering alone in search for a way to make use of his prized, plastic square. He encounters a beautiful female hobo (at least he thinks she is) and they make love. So not only does the hobo make use of the silly condom (which expired-he just doesn't know) he get's laid and keeps warm in the brutal winter weather by getting cozy with the hobo chick. There are some pros in being a hobo, you know. After a month, both hobos make the faithful decision to join their cardboard boxes together, thus creating a new home where they live happily ever after <3

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A man walks into a bar. Several hours later he staggers out and drives into an oncoming school bus, killing all occupants. He survives to live with the grief for the rest of his life and attempts to commit suicide several times.

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Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

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why did the mans hair start to get shorter the barber was shaving it!

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1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, shut the door. 5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

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What did the tourist in Africa get? A souvenior.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None, now stop hallutinating about wood chuck.

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Whatsthe best way to kill a blonde? Tell her theres a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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