What's big fat and ugly? A monster

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You know what they say about a man's feet... No i don't.

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Violets are blue Roses are red I stabbed you 37 times in the chest Now you're dead

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THIS ONE IS MIIINE THIS ONE IS MIIINE I AM TOTALLY TIFA I AM TOTALLY TIFA! This one apparently.

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Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

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Q: Why did James cry? A: Because he's an infant and still quite afraid of his surroundings

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So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? Four because snakes have no legs.

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Whats worse than the death of a celebrity? An anonymous person posting a joke on this site.

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why did hitler hate the jews... because the nazies had to pay the gas bill

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Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

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Why did the old man get the anti aging cream ? He failed 8th grade 50 times.

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What's brown and sticky A stick

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Why was the boy sad? Because his pet bird couldn't fly. Why couldn't the bird fly? Because it was dead.

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Roses are Red Violets are Red My Garden is on Fire.

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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What did Helen Keller say to her friend? Nothing. If you didn't know, she was deaf and blind so she had to use Sign Language.

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What happens when there is a jew next to you and you are standing on a train track? A train hits you both and you both die.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? He wasn't: 9 was a dick.

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I was having sex with thisgirl and now I'm going to be a dad. All because I didn't wear a condom

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why did the man pee in public? ... he couldnt hold it in.

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what did johnny's dad say to him after his baseball game? nothing because johnny's dad was an abusive alcoholic who beat him until the neighbors found out and called the police. the dad was arrested, tried in court then promptly thrown in jail were he was raped in the showers repeatedly by a very large and intimidating black man. he vomited suicide in his cell today by drinking drain cleaner

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why did the boy have no friends? cause he was smelly

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A man is talking to his friend. The man suddenly picks up a banana. He says "hello anybody there?" The banana says "yes." After a while of conversing, the man suddenly puts the banana down in a sad type of way. The man then says to his friend "I'm sorry, but your sun has just died in horrible accident.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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