What is better then winning the special olympics? Not being retarded

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happened to the twins? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Wanna know way i don't eat grapes? I hate Grapes.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happened when the black man approached a dinosaur? Nothing, for dinosaurs were eradicated from the face of the earth 135 million years ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mamma so fat that when she gets in bed she gets sleepy

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Batman tell Robin when they got to Gotham City? -Robin, we got to Gotham City.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Reminds me of when I was a teen, I was working at an elderly home, and there was this really really old woman, and she was leaning forward towards me on her wheelchair, one of her hands accidentally near my crotch, I mean this granny was really senile and shit. Then she went all like, you really like it when I touch you there don't you? I mean it was not the best nor the fastest one, but all that excitement "OMG WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT BY A COLLEAGUE WHILE A 89 YEAR OLD WAS JACKING ME OFF!" Really made it all special folks... Especially when I got caught, it was like OMG STRESS ORGASM HOLY DONT CUM NOOOAAAARGHHHH!!!!!! WOHOOOOOO! I walked outta there like a champ, I was like 18 and my girlfriend/colleague which caught me was like, 27, and the next week she was 32, and before you know it, she was 46 on facebook... Thats like you know... Too old or something...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than having to tie one of your shoelaces after walking 5 miles? Getting a 56 year old mixture of blood, urine and sperm injected in your asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What does the gay man do while he is taking a shower with many other men in a prison or a gym? Lathers soap all over his body to clean himself so he is not smelly.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you do if there's a black guy bleeding on your lawn? Help Him

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A blonde is rowing a boat in a cornfield. While driving by, another blonde notices and pulls over and steps out of her car. She looks out and yells "You know, it's blondes like you that are giving us a bad name. If you weren't so far out, I would swim out there and beat the shit outta you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was Timmy crying? Because he got raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what did the left eye say to the right eye? "eye" see you

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is to sparsely populated and not economically viable.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mammas so fat she wears big clothes!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a group of mormons walk into a bar... just kidding mormons aren't aloud to drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a frog with a bow tie? Cute!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the guy say to the campgrounds? It was in tents (get it like intense but it is a pun)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: what did the grandmother give to her grandson. A: a lightbulb

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Reality is often boring. TV is often bad for you. Reality TV is boring AND bad for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops