How do you minimize the likelihood of theft? Take the derivative.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Whatever their names happen to be.

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What has a bomb straped to itself and has wheels? Me. I lied about the wheels.

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who's a slut... you're mom

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Two men walk into a bar, one ducks

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity; by calculating the sum of a divergent series.

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a Polar bear in an Igloo.

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Coach walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, i can't serve you. You aren't wearing pants. Coach says "put it on my bill."

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What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

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what do you call a a miget crossed with a vampire? A miget, vampires are a figment of you're screwed up imagination.

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-Knock knock -Use the doorbell -Oh... ding dong -Who is it? -Me -Oh -Yeah -Cool -Come in -Okay -Take off your shoes -Alright -How are you? -Good -That's good -Yeah -Okay -K -Oh -Bye -See ya

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A British man walks into a bar. He has to get stitches.

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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Why did the black man grab and tie up the white woman? Because the white woman was a serial killer who has been on the FBI's most wanted list for killing children.

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Why did Steve put his trumpet in the fridge? He had begun the early stages of dementia and was becoming increasingly confused and detached from reality. Also he was German.

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why did the chicken cross the road, but didnt make it he didnt cross it. he was pushed by a band of gang members and hit by a bus

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Roses are red Violets are actually the color violet, contrary to popular belief.

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A: Did you know Helen Keller had a treehouse? B: No. A: Neither did she.

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Why did the man answer his cell phone at 3 AM in the morning? Because his phone was ringing and was probably waiting for an important phone call

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was Gnrwhaf

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How do you confuse a blonde? take the albuterol

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roses are red violets are blue i have five fingers the middle ones for you

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If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood Who ya gonna call 911

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops