What did the deaf guy say to the other deaf guy? Nothing.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why is the earth round? Because God saw it was flat and thought "too flat lets turn it around" And all was good.

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what did the dead man say to the other dead man ...nothing he's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the slaughterhouse was on the other side.

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What did the man say to the woman before he had sex with her? "May I have sex with you, please?"

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What's the difference between a black man and and a bag of crap? A lot, but mostly the bag

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Why was the boy drinking toilet water? Because he was receiving a violent swirly. He then went home and killed himself.

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one of my friends died of heartburn today :( i cant believe gav is gone

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Whats white and sticky? Marshmellows

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What do you call a person in a morgue? Dead.

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Why didn't Jenny's mom give her any Christmas presents? She was a selfish, mean, woman and didn't care about her children.

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why did the girl cross the road? to get away from you

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there once was a black man who played basketball

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What the difference between a circle and a triangle? You're an idiot if you don't know the difference.

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Whats 9 plus 10 ... WHO FREAKIN CARES! STUPID.

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What is a name of a kid with down syndrome. Adam Hebeison

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What do u call 2 black people in the front of a car 3 in the back and 2 on top of the car going off a clif? A waste u can fit 2 more in the trunk

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What's red and sweet and good to eat? A riddle that rhymes.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Make hurtful and upsetting remarks about her person.

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Why did the little boy leave his bike on the side of the road? He was kidnapped and his body was found 2 weeks later at Penn State

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy but your adopted banana

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Q. Why did the woman cross the road? A. She didn't. She's still in the kitchen because I beat her if she's not cooking or cleaning.

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How does Fred drink his milk? -computer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops