There were two muffins in an oven. They were forgotten about by the baker so they cried, caught fire, burned to death, and formed a medium-sized pile of ashes.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Obama

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If I was a backstabber, you would have been dead already, without me having anything to do with it in the first place, listen, we cannot change the world, those that control the media, control the world. And our role was the opposite, we wanted people to find their individual selves and put their talents for use for themselves and us, today the media tells people who they are, what they like, and what to eat and wear. None of us can do this, point zero is gone, its simply a matter of time, but if you want to try, I can do what I can, in hopes of delaying the inevitable.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

That awkwad moment when a homeless man runs naked around a golf cource yelling hears the 19th hole bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the math teacher get after he ate and he ate? A full stomach.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call it when an Arabic man gets shot? Murder.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to suck my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Yo momma is So Fat? And isn't your cousin Chow Yun Fat? I think I know some of the Fat family. How are they all doing?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

roses are red, no one gives a shit, get back in the kitchen and bring me my chicken dips!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you make spongebob come to Life? You kiss him????????

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the street? I don't know really

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Where di mary go during the bombing? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Lambos are red Tuxedos are Blue The cat is out of the bag Shit, we're all gonna die in helll

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two turtles are in a bathtub. One turtle says to the other turtle "Hey, can you pass the soap". The other turtle says "what do you think I am, a toaster?"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Haiku's are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why was 6 afraid of seven? cause 7's a n i g g a

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did a mass amount of people move to Florida? They came to murder their children and get away with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How did the frog fly? It drank a magic potion. How did the snake fly? It ate the frog How the the eagle fly? It already can.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

#Cutforbieber - Cole g.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did humpty dumpty have a great fall? He was committing suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why do you park in the driveway and drive on the park way

thumb_up thumb_down +5

how do you kill a bird? tie it to a tree throw a wasp nest at it and run the tree over with a semi filled with manure

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops