How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the floor. How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail the other one to the floor.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar. He orders a drink without making any grammatical errors.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because it was diagnosed with cancer and didn't want to live any more

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what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

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LeBron James: Kobe, i got a ring will you stop making fun of me? Kobe Bryant: Yes Kobe and Michael Jordan: LeBron asked if he gets a ring if we'll stop making fun of him LeBron James: Hey Kobe why didn't you answer when i called? Kobe Bryant: Sorry, I only heard it ring once

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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what will you never loose if you play world of warcraft your verginity

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A: Knock, Knock B: Whos there? A: Noone, the door and the visitor are both existential figments of your imagination.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? 10. 3 in back, 2 up front and the rest in the ash tray.

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Why was Johnny so mad at his father? Because his father had a constant drinking problem and was very abusive.

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A man walks into a bar, and he died.

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why did spiderman fall off the roof ? cause it was wet

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A wise man once said a journey of a thousand steps starts with one step. The wise man also smoked weed and starved to death in a cave.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was involved in a homicide at the Children's Hospital resulting in death row right away and was involved in the killing of 12 other numbers on last Tuesday.

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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Why did the man kill himself? Because he had a gun

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Whats the difference between a bottle of coke and a black man stuck in a phone booth? one of them is comparing himself to a bottle of coke, the other is a bottle of pepsi

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When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

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Your mom's so fat, she's is bigger than the average person.

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year olds? There's twenty of them.

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A horse walks into a bar, prompting the show-jumping judges to subtract points for failing to clear the obstacle.

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An American, a Mexican, and a black guy all walked into the same bar. Why did the 'BEWARE OF METAL BAR' sign have to be in japanese?!

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What has two legs and two arms? A Human

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What can hurt you if you pee on it? A rabid grizzly bear

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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