How does Michael J. Fox mix his paint? He uses the paint mixing stick that is provided, for free, by most reputable hardware stores.

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Ask me what my name is. What's your name. My name is Jeff.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver comes into the bar and gulps down the guys drink and the guy starts crying the lorry driver says "dont cry ill buy you another" thee guy sas "it's not that today i woke up late for work and when i got there i got fired and then when i went to go home feeling depressed my car doesnt startand so i walk home and i find my wife in bed with the gardener and so i came here to die but you drank my poison"

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Q: why did the dog fall down the stairs? A: Because I pushed him down.

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david give me my money back... i will have it next week

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Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

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A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

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What do you call a black police officer? The drug dealer's inside man.

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What did you say? I'm blind. (Did not write this meaning to be offensive)

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Roses are red,Violets are blue, Who the hell are you,Get the hell away

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What is red and green and goes 50mph? A frog in a blender.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry Show me your tits

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A bloke runs into the bank, says to the girl "Stick 'em up!" She says "Righty-o, matey" and sellotapes his bollocks to the ceiling.

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Why was the girl crying? She got shot in the penis

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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse didn't respond, because it's a horse.

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What's yellow and shouldnt be in this country. The asian girl in my economics class

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Have you ever seen a cowboy chasing boot?

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whats fat, green and hairy? Nothing I would pleasure myself to.

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your mommas so fat she should be worried about getting diabetes

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Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put them in your mouth and catch them on fire.

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Why does Stuart go to Zu Bar? Because he deals cocaine to his fellow raving companions

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Whats worse than one jew. Ben rike

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How do you make a blonde woman act in a porno? You get her consent and pay her money.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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