How do you stop a baby flying 100mph? a shovel

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life is like a box of chocolates... it doesnt last long for fat peopl

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just imagine like a whole dad no imagine like 1000 dads an army of dads ready to conquer

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A man wearing dark sunglasses walks into a convenience store with a dog on a leash. He goes to the middle of the store, and he starts swinging the dog around over his head by the leash. The store clerk comes over and asks, "what are you doing?" The man replies, "Ajiohskdcojqpowuskncvlkzb" Not knowing what else to do, the clerk calls 911. It turns out the man's name is Ruprict, and he has escaped from the local mental institution. A police officer shortly arrives to bring Ruprict back to the hospital.

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What did the boy say after smoking weed for the first time? -"I don't really feel anything" and his friends explained that is sometimes the case for a first time smoker.

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who else is on here?

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who is 2 chainz? no one 2 chains is just 2 chains. spelled with an "s" not a "z"

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What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheelchair

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what does matt daly like to do in his free time anal

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Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

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Q: Whats Red And Has Socks? A: An Apple, I Lied About The Socks..

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Three Men walk into a bar. One with a ax and one with a Shovel. The other one isn't holding anything. *Boom* (\ _ /) (x . x)

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why can't a blonde count to 70? cause 69 is a mouth full

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Why did the bear eat the asian? It was hungry

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What did Mr. Pazdzioch and Mr. Hahn and Mr. Fishers big ass do for fun? Ate Mr. Kilgores shit at shin-go-beek jamboree.

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Why doesn't God like pizza? Because he doesn't exist.

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what do you do when you see a black man punching a girl? act like you dont see it and get the hell out of harms way

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate you, Go die in a hole.

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Why did the first monkey fall off the tree? becuase he died Why did the second monkey fall off the tree? because he was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall off the tree? monkey see, monkey do

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*prepares this to get negative votes*

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How do you know an elephant has gotten into your refrigerator? The refrigerator is lying on its side and the door is ripped off. The food is all over the place and the shelves are scattered around the floor. Your house will have suffered severe structural damage that insurance plan might not cover. Also there is a mortified elephant in you kitchen.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because colonel sanders was chasing it with an axe

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a woman gets hit by a motorcycle whose fault was it?......... the man's, he shouldn't have driven the motorcycle in the kitchen

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Have you seen Hellen Keller's dad? Neither did she

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops