It's red or yellow but most likely grey, and when its hit your eye you are dead? A train :)

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why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own? because it was two tired

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A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

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Q. How do you make your neighbor mad? A. Run his kids over.

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If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... I'd most likely have no money as I would spend it all on cocaine.

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I'm funnY!!! Haha pënis

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A man walks into a bar, drinks, then leaves the bar.

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When did the War of 1812 begin? 1963.

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I can't make my mind about the debate on legalisation of marijuana. Some days I think it's a good thing. Somes days I think it's a bad thing. And some days, I don't think about it at all and I just think it's a very nice day.

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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Q:Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: he isn't because 6 and 7 are both concepts that cannot have fear like a living being

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What is the deferince between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

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What's under the first mate? The second mate.

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I am iron man 24 flavors in my van i am the icecream man i have met jackie chan

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Your dads so fat he needs to go on a diet

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Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a blood test.

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snowglobe

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When is the best time to wear a striped sweater? All the time.

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Check out our iPhone App!

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What did the man do with his cat? he threw it in the garbage because he didn't like it

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Knock, knock. Who's there? FBI. FBI who? The FBI. We have your house surrounded. Pervert.

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Your mother's so fat that when she goes through rotating doors, the doors rotate around her.

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Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He was tired of working for the man.

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Hey I've got two stories. This one and the next one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops