What time is it? I just looked at my clock on the wall. It is 9:14 AM Eastern Standard Time.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I threw him

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the Bishop say to the pebble? Wash my car

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Yo Mama is so white, people call her caucasian.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happens when a black guy jumps you? Well its no diffrent to when anyone else jumps you!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was Jessica sad? She had just recently run over a few newborn puppies with her car.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red Violets are blue There's always an Asian Better than you

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why didn't the girl take her hairbrush to school? She has cancer and all her hair fell out.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Your mom is so fat, that last night after reading and edition of Cosmo, she skipped dinner and cried herself to sleep due to her inability to live up to such an unrealistic feminine stereotype.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Who's worse: Ghandi or Hitler Answer: Hitler

thumb_up thumb_down +13

An Indian lady is pushing her child down a footpath in a stroller whilst leading her dog. A refridgerator lands on the mother. Why did the Chinese man behind her cry? Because loss of life is a frantic event and having witnessed such an event he was deeply shocked. He was also sad that no dogs were killed. This is because a dog killed his wife in a freak accident and he has held a grudge against the species ever since.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the street? He wanted to make breakfast

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two muffins were in an oven. One muffin said "Wow, its hot in here." The other muffin said "Oh my gosh a talking muffin!" The house burnt down because the oven created a fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the cop pull over the car full of black people? Because, they were going 65 in a 35 mile per hour speed limit zone, Which is against the law.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Kyle is consistently sexually harassed by a woman while at work. Everything is fine.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Do I know any jokes about sodium hypobromite? As a matter of fact, I do. It goes: "Do I know any jokes about sodium hypobromite? NaBrO."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did Billy drop his ice cream? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: babies lack the intelligence and motor skills to accomplish such a task so it is not practical to hire them for a painting job.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: How do you make sweet sexy love to cow and make her come several times and then have her lick your stick clean without nobody ever finding out? While secretly keeping her as your girlfriend forever? A: Wouldn't you like to know...

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why didn't the Hawaiian man know how to surf? He lives in Kansas

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q. what did the kid say to his foreign language teacher about the test? A: i dont understand this test, its like in a complete different language

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops