This would be racist to black people if they could read.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put my sausage in your oven

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Why was the boy not feeling well? He swallowed a piano.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you call a blue bucket? A blue bucket. What do you call a red bucket? A blue bucket in disguise.

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What happens to a warehouse on a full moon? Nothing

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why did the asian kid do well on his math test because he studied

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What was unprecedented about Roosevelt running for president in 1940? He had polio, he couldn't run!

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How do you get your children out of a cardboard box? You open the box to see your dead children's corpses

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Moo! I'm a goat!

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whats white and looks like paper paper

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Why did susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms... Why didn't she get up? She didn't have any legs... Why didn't anyone help her? She didn't have any friends. Then she died

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why was the blind man walking in circles? i dont know ask him yourself.

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What does a Jewish man do when he sees a new car? Doesn't buy it because he puts his money in a fund.

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why did the dog bark at the picture because it was ugly

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the man was talking to a phone no answered cause he talking to a brick wall

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Why are the Jamaicans in the kitchen? because they are bad men

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The first few weeks of joining weight-watchers...you're just finding your feet.

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What do you get hanging from an apple tree? Sore Arms.

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Nickelback

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A skeleton walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face? the skeleton replies I have aids.

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Why did the baby die? Because he was shot in the hea repeatedly

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What's the difference between your cat and mine? Yours has legs.

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There were two busses. The one was red, the other one went to France.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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