Daisies are green, poppies are white, I have a headache.

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A retarded man waks ito aaa baar

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Why did the car stop? The driver had a stroke

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Whats the similarity between a rabbit and a grape? There both purple, except for the rabbit.

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Why did the shark eat the girl? Because she was ugly

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Roses are red violets are blue most poems rhyme but this one doesnt.,

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What happened when Mark's hair died? He got depressed that he was growing old and the signs of it were showing.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple.

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A man walks through a doorway but there was a door there so he got injured

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Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

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Q:Why did the cop arrest the black guy with a gun? A: because he shot a family and when the funeral was held he cooked a grenade killed everyone and peed on there grave, later he rapped two dogs and stabbed a crippled then tea bagged a horse to death.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The doorbell repair man.

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Why couldn't the mexican feed his family? Because a large percent of mexican immigrants in the United States do not have jobs due to dicrimination against illegal immigrants crossing the soutern border, thus rendering them more vunerable to unemployment is that is vastly present in the United States.

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What's black and hangs from a tree? A bat.

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poop

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you know what is so funny?! jokes..................................

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A mouse sniffed a peice of cheese. It was on a mouse trap and then it died in the trap.

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How do you call a man in a wheelchair? Disabled.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot

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Xbox One

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What do a tree and a boy have in common? They both cry when you hit them with an axe... except the tree.

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How do you make an electrician cry? You cut off his friend's penis.

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A duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand hey! Got any guns

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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