What is green and had wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.....

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What do you do when your speeding and a cop is right behind you? make a complete stop and hope for the best

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How many Jews does it take to fix a light bulb? Four, one to take the light bulb out, one to put a new in, one to hold the ladder, and one to hold the guy holding the ladder

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Why can't George Washington drive? Because he died!

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A black man walks into a bar. He sits down and has a couple drinks. When he is finished, he generously tips the bartender and walks out.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because it wanted to get to the other side! why did the chipmunk cross the road? because it was stapled to the chicken

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how do yopu punish helen keller? Ground her, just like you would with any other child.

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Knock knock (Knock knock...) (Knock knock...) (Knock knock...) (Knock knock...) (Knock knock...) Fuck me, that's the most echo-y door I've ever knocked on.

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Hitler arrives at his neighbor's barmitzfah... fashionably late.

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What did the orphan get for Christmas. A key chain.

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1 little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and hit his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "Your son died of a concussion."

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whats purple and savage? Barney!

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What rude names do you call a girl with no limbs? Anything you want they can't touch you

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Why did the turkey cross the road? His friend, the chicken, had just been hit by a passing car.

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What did the Lightning Bolt say to the Thunder Cloud? WATTSup?

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What's the difference between your cat and mine? Yours has legs.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter because he's not gonna come

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Jackson's dad told him to "play in the traffic".

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THAT MAN EATS TOO MUCH. therefore he is overweight.

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What's pink fluff? Pink fluff. What's blue fluff? Pink fluff holding it's breath. What's red fluff? Angry pink fluff. Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a tr-- No. What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was just lying about the wheels. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple, 'cause the other half's in your mouth. What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Angry pink fluff. What's worse than angry pink fluff? The holocaust. That's not funny. Stop laughing.

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What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

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what do you call a retarded kid? jack kamstra

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Tom and Phill are eating ice cream Tom challenges Phill to a contest to see who can eat their ice cream in one bite Tom finishes his in two bites Phil in one Then he looks like he got a brain freeze Tom notices and says "You idiot: you got brain freeze!" Phill turns around and says "No, I have a brain tumor."

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops