what's the fastest way to have someone murder you tell your wife you are cheating on her

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Why was the crazy person allowed to leave the asylum? The ombusman's report will be on your desk this morning minister.

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chuck norris's daughter lost her virginity but he got it back

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Q: Why cant dinosaurs talk A: Because they are dead.

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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A black man rode down the street on a bicycle.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because he was hungry and mcdonalds was across the street

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why didnt she get back up? She had no friends.

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Why did the squirl eat the accorn? Because he enjoys it.

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Why was Michael Jackson seen shopping at Kmart? Because he heard little boys pants were 50% off the original price.

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A man using Apple Maps walks into a bar. Or maybe a hospital... or possibly a church.

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Why did the Asian woman crash her car? She couldn't see through the slits she called eyes.

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Kumquats Daffodils Alka-Seltzer Serendipity Dewey Decimal System Buccaneer Avuncular Pantaloons Weasels Alligator Chewbacca Sasquatch

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Your Momma is so old, she started exercising more and eating healthier to increase the chance of her living long enough to enjoy your own children's lives.

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What's worse than not receiving presents on Christmas Day? Being forced to consume your own flesh

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How are friends like bananas? If you peel off their skin and eat them, they die.

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Knock knock Whos there? FUS ROH DAH

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Tell me a joke Tell me a joke! TELL ME A JOKE!!! ...Womens Rights

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Why did Jimmy's sexy teacher ask him to stay behind after class? His grades have been slipping and she expects better from her students. How anyone views her sexually is of no relevance to this situation.

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Melbourne Football Club.

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Nero the guy that killed four Neo Nazi`s desecrating the funeral of one of my late members in Chile with a revolver hidden in one of the 46 hidden pockets on the inside of his trench jacket with lots of folders here, inside whose only side effect is making me look like I spend a lot more time at the gym, later one of them found me, ran towards the police which laughed at him pointed at me and said: That guy with a prosthetic arm? You dont believe me... Excellent! Nero The Avenger

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What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide, Get over it

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If there are 3 apples, and you take 2, how many do you have? BLAM! Texas castle law, motherfukker!

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Jameson: hey peter peter parker: what Jameson: do you know what my favorite kind of beans are Peter: no Jameson: van de camps

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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