Roses are dead Violets are dead Im a bad gardener

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Nock Nock. Whose there? The chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the square root of 69? 8.3

thumb_up thumb_down +21

THIS IS NOT SPARTA! *pulls him out of the hole*

thumb_up thumb_down +21

So I was eating pancakes in my driveway...or were they waffles?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was the monkey sad? Because somebody stole his banana. Why was the monkey happy? Because your parents are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is the result of a couples' feud? 96.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

if life gives you lemonnde your probally halusinating

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven. Ha ha ha ha

thumb_up thumb_down +21

"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains." "Well that sounds like a mental illness and I deal predominantly with physical ailments"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call women playing the sport of lacrosse? I dont think it matters because Women's Lacrosse isn't a sport.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Two tubes of ice cream are sitting in a freezer, one turns to the other and says "its bloody freezing in here" God then corrects this apparent mistake in the combined laws of physics and biology

thumb_up thumb_down +19

The cow went moo

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did the boy drown? because water entered his lungs and suffocated him.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Hi Shelby!!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: What was the little boy doing in the deep end of the swimming pool? A: Drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Baby you think i loved you, but you got played too

thumb_up thumb_down +19

i died. new product by steve jobs. also presenting icoffin, and next year icoffin 2. slightly slimmer with a lock button to keep zombies out.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who`s there? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why cant helen keller drive? because cars werent popularly accepted when she lived.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you stop a black guy from drowning? You take your foot off of his face

thumb_up thumb_down +19

An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the chicken cross the road? Although this is a highly improbable scenario, one would assume that, being a chicken, it did not have much of an intuitive idea as to what to do while it was stray for whatever reason in an urbanized area. Considering chickens do not harbor nearly as much of a mental capacity as it would require to even comprehend the concept of a "road" and is impervious to the idea of oncoming traffic and such, the fact that it happened to be crossing the road was in fact not even recognized by the chicken. For this reasons I deem this question unanswerable.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Because it had no arms. Why did Little Timmy fall off of his bike? Because he was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator. Knock knock Who's there? Not Little Timmy.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops