What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Little molly says she wants to have a baby when she grows up because her little baby brother died of ta-sacs 6 months after birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the tractor say to the farmer? Nothing, tractors don't talk

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two men and a woman go to lunch together at a restaurant in New York City. The first man says, "I'm glad that we're finally doing this." The second man says, "Yeah, me too." The woman concurs.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why did little johnny start choking? because somebody shoved a bag down his throat

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red Violets are blue Im really bad at poetry Your mums a whore

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the man trip over the kitten? He was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you get when you see a black man writing? A man devoted to getting a education.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey look i just made a jo... shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

So mind telling me why you wont call me? And why, you know... Are you avoiding this condition of yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the black guy get a boner? The nitric oxide levels in his trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his penis rose, causing his arteries to dilate and therefore enlarging his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

if yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock, Who's there? Justin Bieber, LEAVE!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what has two legs, and is red? half a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q. why did the black man cross the road? A. Cause there is no law saying he cant

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at rhyming turd

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac over off a cliff? A Cadillac seats 5

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Is your refrigerator running? I hope so, or else the food will go bad!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops