Today i decided to burn calories, so I grabbed my lighter from the counter and put it in my pocket and proceeded to the treadmill.

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Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

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3 guys get stuck in a island and find indians and the indians say the three guys have to stick 10 of the same fruits up there or they die. The first guy came back with oranges but stops at 3 then gets killed. the second had grapes and stop at 2 and gets killed. But in heaven the first guy ask why did you stop at 2 there grapes. the second guy said he saw the third with a pineapple.

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What's black and white and red all over? A Nazi banner.

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What is white and re(a)d all over? White paper that is dyed red.

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why did the black guy talk to the monkey? they were in the same cage.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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Santa and a smart blonde jump of a cliff. Who gets to the ground first? Neither, they don't exist.

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why did the chicken cross the road to get to your house knock knock whos there the chicken

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Guess what? Chickenbuttt hahahah! lolomfg

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you know whats funny?! nine eleven!

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Why did the baby crawl onto the road? because a sick bastard put a bottle of milk there knowing that a bus would be going through that route soon.

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What did the little boy do when he got his test grade? Cried, it was 0

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A Muslim on a plane yells out "Hijack!" Jack replies with "Hello" and the two engage in a casual conversation for the duration of the flight.

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Obama One Big Ass Mistake America

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Knock Knock No solicitors

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What's big with fat all over it? Your mom on this dick

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Hi, my name is Mark and I have dead babies in my garage... Just kidding. My name ia not Mark.

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Stop making 9/11 jokes their just plane unfunny

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if someone chucks skittles at u and says "taste the rainbow!!!!" chuck m&ms at them and say "Im not afraid!!!!!"

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George Lopez never said anything funny in his life.

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What's the difference between Marvin Gay and George Straight. They are two different people

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Knock knock! I'm in the shower, i'll be there in 5 minutes

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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