When life gives you lemons You've got some lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are blue Violets are too I've got Alzheimer Roses are red

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the man get from killing his own wife and children? A boner.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What would you do if I said a horse ate your mother? It doesn't mattet, I didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q: Why did the dog bark? A: it cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Knock Knock whos there? brad are you thomas brad are you thomas who? for goodness are you a parot or something

thumb_up thumb_down +25

johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn't the mother make her son's funeral? She died in a car crash on the way there.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why cant stevie wonder read? Because he is blind

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Jake likes to have tickle parties with McCauley Culkin.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did Sally drop her Ice Cream Cone? Because her dog licked her butthole.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a guy eating a sandwich? Whatever his name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Man: You know what sucks? Other man: What? Man: Diarrhea... Know what's worse? Other man: No, what? Man: The smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Violets are blue Roses are red I stabbed you 37 times in the chest Now you're dead

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the mexican firefighter name his kids? Jose and Pablo

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How did the man die? He was killed alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did Phil Krahn cross the road? Because he is gay

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A women driver prepares to park in a small space between to cars on the side of a road. She safely and flawlessy parallel parks, and proceeds to enter a nearby coffe shop for an important business meeting.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A Jew was walking home one night when two thugs leapt out of the darkness and demanded his money and other possessions at gunpoint. A reflection of how dangerous our streets can be at night.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the student fall asleep during class? He was very tried from staying up too late.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q. Why did Obama cross the road? A. To collect taxes from the houses on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the blonde die? She was slurped up by a 1,000 foot anteater.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops