A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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What's green and can read your mind? Nothing. Some people thinks the answer is a plant but don't listen to them because they are wrong.

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I'm pretty sure you can't throw a fridge...

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Your moms so ugly, that when i took her out to eat for dinner we built an everlasting relationship. Thats why you call me dad.

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What did the boy say when be landed in the bottom of the well, nothing he was dead.

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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A black, Kenyan man enters a race. He comes in second to last as he didn't practice as much as the other contestants.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A man walks into a bar. As he walks in, numerous people turn their heads in awe. Is it... it can't be. It's Paul McCartney, the famous musician! "Oh - I'm not Paul McCartney". The man then said. "I just look a lot like him. Sorry." "Awww. That's a shame." said John Lennon, disappointed.

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You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

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Granny porn!

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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a black man did not eat chicken.

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Whats included in over 90% of all car crashes? A Car

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why did the black guy where orange shoes? Because he likes orange.

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Where do you find a dead hooker? where you left her.

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What did the fly say to the spider? Please, I have a wife and daughter.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am adopted And so are you

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knock knock come in

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A man walks into a bar. I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

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knock knock who's there funny funny who a funny joke

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What glows in the dark and is really annoying? A glow in the dark chimpanzee

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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