- Anti Joke

What happens when the hydro goes out for 1 second? 1 minute? 1 hour? 1 day? 1 month? 1 year? -1.8 people die. 105 people die. 6,306 people die. 151,338 people die. 4,603,198 people die. 55,238,376 people die. Aw shit, then you have to take account for how many people die of starvation :\, and the ones who froze to death, and the ones who died from heat stroke, And the ones who died of Alzheimers.

The baby started screaming in the dead of night. It woke up his mother, but his father did not be woken by it. why? Because the father left the mother some time ago, and emigrated to Australia with a new girlfriend, who is incidentially a model, and therefore he could not have heard hs child scream whilst on the other side of the world. His new girlfriend dosen't like him.

Your mamas so fat, that any level of physical exercise is strenuous, but also mentally challenging, as she feels that there is a negative astigmatism attached to sweaty, red-faced overweight individuals trying to burn those pounds. This in turn makes her ashamed of the gastronomically decadent life she once lived, and so she doesn't have the confidence to try and reverse the damage she did during those insecure teenage years, instead comforting herself with the sugary, fatty bane of her life. She therefore lives in a vicious circle, angry at herself and the society that won't accept her. But remaining incredibly, repulsively fat.

"what did the priest say to the rabbi?" "what" "my religions better

A horse walks into a bar, the bartenders asks "Why the long face?"

While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

What's the difference between my mom, and a bag of garbage? A bag of garbage is incapable of contracting aids

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Fish

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

why did the skeleton cross the road ? because it wanted too. lolz

Who jumps the highest in basketball? The mascot because he has a trampoline.

Knock knock Who's there? The chicken that crossed the road

What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

Whats black, white, and read/red all over? What? Michael Jackson after his surgery.

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

Q: Why do Asian children tend to be smarter than other children A: They have longer school years

What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Isaac

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died.

Did you hear about the kid napping? They found his body in a ditch.

What do you call black people in a pool? Healthy

What did Jamaal say when he was in Walmart? I'm Jamaal and I'm in Walmart.

Hi! Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Roughly 1150 pounds if a full grow male.

What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

What's Funny and has two Wheels A kids falling off his bike

What did the horse say to the other horse? neh

"what did the priest say to the rabbi?" "what" "my religions better

A horse walks into a bar, the bartenders asks "Why the long face?"

What's the difference between my mom, and a bag of garbage? A bag of garbage is incapable of contracting aids

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Fish

Anti Joke

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

MOAR??