I used to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean. I'm still addicted to heroin, though. No chance I'm ever giving that up.

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Q: what's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon A: well the first noticable difference is that the watermelon tastes better.

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How do you put 4 elephants inside a Volkswagen? You'd have to the change the interior design of the car and probably cut most of the roof. How do you put a Giraffe inside a Volkswagen? You ask her nicely to squeeze in between the four elephants...

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The cow's name was Friday, But can you guess what day it died? Monday, it had a fun weekend with its family before it was brutally slaughtered.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was Gnrwhaf

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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How do you stop a blind kid from walking into oncoming traffic? .................to late!!!!!!!

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Your momma's so fat that she should really be concerned for her health and seek professional help to manage her weight.

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What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

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What's the difference between a hundred dead babies and a porsche? A porsche is a car.

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Why was little Bobby Smith crying on Christmas day? Because the doctor diagnosed him with terminal cancer.

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What happened to the man who lost his job? He couldn't support his family so they all became homeless and eventually died of starvation.

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the lemon was sweet.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? A guy in mud.

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What did Wonder Woman say to Superman? I'm wonder woman.

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Have you seen Stevie wonders new house? Neither has he.

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms Why couldnt he get up? He had no legs What did the boy get for Christmas? Cancer What did the boy get for Easter? A funeral Knock, knock Who's there? Not the boy.

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why did the chicken cross the road? its a chicken giving it the tendencies to wander if not properly fenced in.

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How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

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What's worse than getting raped by a bear? Getting raped by two bears.

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hey chris what yu doing wit my back pack? using it..

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Patrick, I just thought of something funnier than 24. Lemme hear it. 25.

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Why did Sally have a headache? She had a Brian tumor the size of an eggplant.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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