There once was the worlds most important people on an airplane. All of them. They were a Boy Scout with a hiking pack, World's Oldest person, World's Smartest person, a Scientist who had the cure to cancer, and the World's Richest man. The Pilot told them that the plane was running out of gas and they would have to bail. But there was a problem, two people were going to have to die. They were only two parachutes short. So the Scientist grabbed one and said, "I'm the only one with the cure to cancer I've got lives to save." And he bails. Then the World's oldest person jumps out with a parachute saying, "I Still Have A Life To Live!!!" Then the Richest person realizes there is two parachutes left. He says, "I have the most money so I have to go because I could save America from going bankrupt." Grabs a chute and jumps. Then, the world's smartest person just happens to be so selfish and bails with the last Parachute. So the Pilot and and the Boy Scout were left. The pilot was kind enough to let the Kid go because he still had he longest life to live. But the kid said no, we could both go. The pilot said no you go. The kid was still being stubborn. And said No, we could both go, The world's smartest person took my back pack, there is one chute left, we could share it. And so they both jumped and landed safely on the ground. And that was the end of the World's smartest man.

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What's one very bad way to injure yourself? Smashing your head against a metal surface

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I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I have a pint or two.

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What does a homeless man get for Valentines Day? Divorce papers

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Yo mums so fat she went on a diet.

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What do you call a girl who has recently been raped? Dead

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Why isn't Abraham Lincoln on Mount Rushmore? Because he doesn't have a helicopter and he's dead.

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How do you get a chicken to cross the road? Get him in the other side

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Bend over Touch your toes I'll show you where The monster goes

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There once was an old lady who lived in shoe. She had so many children, her uterus fell out.

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Where do babies come from? My sex dungeon

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How do you get a Blonde to brake her nosebone? You put your dick under a glastable! QQ

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"Where's your mom?' "She died last night. . ."

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How does Batman's mom call him home for supper? Nothing. Batman's mom is dead.

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A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, drinks it, and leaves.

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Q: What did Nala say to Simba during the stampede? A: Nothing. She was nowhere to be found during that scene.

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Two Jews walk into a bar. They promptly order their drinks and leave.

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Roses are red Violets are blue if you think this is funny then your a jew!

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Q; what did the gangster say after he and his gang robbed a bank? A;Hey boys lets go drink some soy milk (After that his gang killed him) but the moral of the story is to not rob banks or take drugs

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Why did Billy start a fire? Because he was cold.

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Whats black and red and dead? Nobody could tell, but they were sure that it wasn't a dead black person, so stop being racist!

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A baby seal walks into a club. He is immediately escorted out because babies are not allowed in clubs.

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if a dog won't bark, there's no way you can teach it to talk.

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Whats the difference between a baby in a comma and an iPod? I actually use the baby.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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