A man burps while sitting at dinner. Everyone suddenly stops eating and stares at him. How does he get out of it? Answer: He says, "Excuse me."

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A dozen burly firefighters ready to stick it in your pooper

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why can't James swim at 2010 summer ? because james died at 2009

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Question: Whats worse then getting hit by a bus? Answer: Getting hit by a train.

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whats white and looks like paper paper

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What happens if you play CS:GO? Well you loose alot of fucking money.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots? It depends on what his name is.

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I was walking down the street and a guy fell down right next to me. He woke up a hour later and asked "what smells like year old cat pee?" I said "year old cat pee retard honestly." Then he died. Morale don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to.

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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

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Knock Knock. - Whose there? ... ... ... ... Damn kids.

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Guy 1: Hey, do you like fish sticks? Guy2: Yeah. Guy 1: Me too

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She had no arms.

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are productive members of society. -Canis

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Why did Billy start crying? Because he was abandoned at a young age- and was bullied since childhood in the orphanage.

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What's the deal with brown?

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Q: how do you make a clean naz dance? A: put a lil boogy in it? NOOO SUCK IT!!!

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How do you drown a blond? By being an insane murderer!

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A: Knock, knock. A: Knock, knock! A: Um ... Knock, knock! B: Sorry, I didn't want to answer the door.

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what is the difference between a banana and an orange? bread.

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why did the man fart? because he felt like it.

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Your momma is so fat that when she fell over, she couldn't get back up without help, and she probably got several bruises.

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what is worse than losing your phone? having it destroyed because you were texting while driving causing an accident and you are not eligible for and upgrade for another two months.

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Have you ever listened to the smell of the color 9? It tastes like freedom!

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What's worse than getting a divorce? Nuclear warfare

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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