How old is your mom? Old.

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What would you do for a klondike bar? I'm allergic to milk.

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What do you call a black man holding a pistol? A black man holding a pistol

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2 people with ADD are playing baseball. One of them pitches to the other guy and the other guy swings his arms around, misses, then gets hit by a baseball bat. The batter then realized he was the pitcher and the other guy has gone off chasing after a bird that just flew by.

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A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said 'No'. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever. He said 'no'. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, Once again, he replied 'no'. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.. 'Asking emotionally charged hypothetical questions that are completely irrelevant to the prior conversation is known as fishing for compliments. Except, your tears seem to reflect a more serious inner emotional neediness. I suggest you seek a psychologist.'

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- How can you call a person, who hasn't got a left eye, a left hand and a left leg? - All right.

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hihihihihihihihihihiihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihjhihhhihhihihihihihihiihihihihihihihihihihihihiihihiihihihihihihihihihihiihihihihiihihihi

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Who would win in a fight between a polar bear and a tiger? Considering that they live in different habitats, the chances are very unlikely that they would ever interact.

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"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains." "Well that sounds like a mental illness and I deal predominantly with physical ailments"

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What is large, white, and can't climb trees? A refrigerator.

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An American man stopped me the other day and asked for the time, I looked at my watch and said: 5 o'clock.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

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Why do firemen wear red suspenders? If they didn't, their turnout gear would not effectively protect them from flames.

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why did the kid get chemotherapy? because he had cancer

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? Jelly is made from the juice of the fruit while jam is made from the pulp of the fruit.

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I have Alzheimer. What?

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Straight men can be bronies.

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What do you call a person at your door? Whatever his name happens to be.

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What is less sanitary than eating food off of the ground? Anal sex.

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your mamas so fat all she gets for christmas and her birthday is girdles!

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The daring man said "here goes nothing." And nothing happened. -Tag

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What do you call a seven foot Egyptian named Randy who trains leopards to uproot floral cactuses? Randy.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuck in its coop on the farm. Also, chickens aren't sentient, so they can't reason the same way we do.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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