- Anti Joke

What's yellow and lays in a tree? Tweety the Whore

Chuck Norris' punch is so powerful that is falls on the downward slope of the bell curve for punch force of adult males.

A tall German man and a short Ukrainian woman walk into a pub and sit down for a drink. The German, not wanting to seem rude, asks the Ukrainian how her day has been. The Ukrainian smiles confusedly as she doesn't understand German.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the bottom of a pit? Whatever his parents named him.

Why was the fish swimming on the water? Oh wait it's dead

What did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? Dinosaurs are extinct.

Josh Hamilton walks into a bar.

What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe and a dog? "Melon-choly"

YO MAMA SO SHORT she should really consider wearing long tunic-like blouses, prints that contain vertical stripes, and heeled shoes with a pointed toe in order to create the illusion of length to her silhouette. That having been said, society's limited definition of beauty is quite inadequate for the diverse world in which we live.

What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

You: A man is riding his motorcycle down a mountain road when he wipes out. When he wakes up he is in a monastery. He says to the monks "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, I'll be happy to pay for the room." The monk says "It's alright, you may stay here the night while you heal." That night, the monk brings the man to a room and says "There is one rule. In the middle of the night, someone will knock on your door three times. Do not answer the door." The man says "Alright," and goes to bed. At 2 A.M. someone knocks on his door. He ignores it and sleeps on, but is obviously curious. The next day the monk says "I think it would be best for you to stay here another night. Your leg is very injured." The man says "Alright," and he spends another night. Before he goes to bed, the monk says "There is one rule. In the middle of the night, someone will knock on your door three times. Do not answer the door." The man says "Alright," and goes to bed. At 2 A.M. there is a knock at the door. This time, he answers to door. There is a monk on the other side. The monk says nothing and turns around. The man follows him and the monk walks to the second floor of the monastery and walks into room, closing the door behind him. The man tries to open the door but finds that it is locked, so he goes back to his room and goes to bed. The next day he asks the monk "What is in that room?" the monk says "I told you not to answer the door," the man says "I was curious. What is in that room." The monk says "I cannot tell you, you would have to become a monk." So the man leaves, but he cannot stop obsessing about that room. Over the next year he loses his job, his wife leaves him and all his friends stop talking to him, because all he can think about is what is behind this door. Exactly one year later he is riding his motorcycle along that same mountain road, and he purposefully wipes out in the same place. When he wakes up he is in a monastery. He says to the monk "I have to know, what is behind that door?" The monk says "I cannot tell you. You would have to become a monk." The man says "Fine." The man goes to leave, but the monk insists he spend the night, as his leg is hurt once again. When he goes to bed, the monk says "There is one rule. In the middle of the night, someone will come and knock on your door. Do not answer it." The man says "Alright," and goes to bed. At 2 A.M. someone knocks on his door. He answers it, and a monk is there. The monk says nothing, turns around and walks away. The man follows the monk. The monk moves up to the second floor of the monastery, and goes into a room. The man tries to slip in behind the man, but is a second too late. He tries to open the door but finds it locked, so he goes downstairs and goes back to bed. The next day he goes to the monk and says "What is in that room?" The monk says "I told you not to answer the door." The man says "I know, but I was curious. What is in the room." The monk says "I cannot tell you, you would have to become the monk." The man says "Fine," and leaves. Over the next year, he commits himself to becoming a monk. He learns all the lessons of the monastery and returns one year later to the monastery. He says to the monk "I have become a monk, and I want to join this monastery. Now, what is behind that door?" The monk brings the man to the room and opens the door, and he cannot believe his eyes. Friend: What was behind the door? You: I cannot tell you. You would have to become a monk. (Thank you Sarah Seguin)

Q: Why did the Klansman go up to acclaimed rapper and television star, Flavor Flav, and say "Do you know what time it is, boy?" A: Because his trademark "bling" seems to be an actual functioning time piece. Q2: Why did that same Klansmen brutally murder Flavor Flav after he learned it was 5:46 in the pm? A2: Becasue Flavor Flav is black and that's kinda what you're expected to do in the Klan...

Knock Knock whose there your biological parents REALLY No

Are you sure Jewsus was not a Jew?

how to you kill a black man. with a weapon.

Two cows are in a field one cow says moo the other cow say shit thats what i was gonna say

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because it was a hammer.

Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup! Apologies for the inconvenience sir, I shall bring you a new bowl as soon as possible.

Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie pop? It very depending on the amount of saliva produced in ones mouth..

69

What do you do when you see Godzilla? You offer him ice cream.

what did the pregnant black woman say to the white man I'm pregnant

You

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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