How can you tell if a duck is under your bed? Look under your bed

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Did you know Hellen Keller had a swingset? No I didn't. Ya it was actually really nice.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q.What did the homeless kid get from santa? A. Play Doe. Because he was a good boy. Q.what did the Rich Kid get form santa? A Coal. Because he was a bod boy. The rich kid then got mad and threw the coal at the homeless kid hitting him on the head which killed him of enturnaly bleeding.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Joey: hey bobby who you talking to? Bobby: oh yeah I forgot to tell you your mom died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey do you have a suitcase? Why? I need one.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was the baby so hot? Napalm. Why was the baby so cold? Meat locker.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SKINNY PERSON AND A JESSE? Answer: THE SKINNY PERSON IS VERY LEAN AND THE FAT PERSON IS VERY JELL-OUS

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the boy get his head slammed in a car door? Because his mother did not love him, and thought it was an appropiate action.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says: "I forgot to store nuts for winter, now i am dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the southern uncle say to his nephew when he woke up? Good morning, son.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

your momma's so fat that she weighs a lot

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q. why did the girl fall off the swing? A. Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Ask me if I'm a car. Are you a car¿ Yes¡

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock. Whos there? I am you dumbass im standing right next to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

In the movie Sherlock holms, why is Sherlock Holms gay?? --------------Because he is chasing "blackwood"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what do you call a white man in a black neighborhood a minority

thumb_up thumb_down +6

You having friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Lightning strikes 2 year old baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Relax, it simply would not be working out for you if your mother was nearby, you see, the subconcious is limited by the concious mind, so if your subconcious can detect your mother (or anyone but me nearby) your conscious mind goes "uh oh" and it stops. Oh, right, and considering you can still type, how about we increase the effect into... I dunno, six billion? Yeah six billion. Anyway, the next time you want to experience it, just poke your nose, and since we do not want you to poke your nose off, you only do it once and you can yourself decide when it ends, at this level you should not be able to type, but if you want to type you can of course turn it off.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops