Why couldn'nt Sally swing on the swing? Because Sally was a carrot

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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There's a football player who walks into a bar and sees a gay guy. The gay guy says, "So you're a football player, right?" The football player says, "Yes." The gay guy says, "I have a game of football myself. It's called fart football. It's where you drink a mug of beer in less than five seconds and then you drop your pants and fart for the extra point." The gay guy goes first. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds and farts. The football player goes. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds then he drops his pants and before he farts, the gay guy says, "BLOCK THAT KICK! BLOCK THAT KICK!"

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Why did the man walk into a bar? Coz he felt like it.

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A man on his 21st birthday walks into a bar. He orders a piña colada. The bartender then replies "Sorry we do not sell piña coladas here." In disappointment, the man decides to order a different alcoholic drink and later becomes an alchoic for 20 years until he breaks his obsession and remarries his wife and has 5 kids. He then had a great life and died at age 92. He will be missed by his wife and children.

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*Dubstep* CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW BWAB BWAB

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that green thing is not a leaf, it's my sister

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What's red and black and looks good on a Jew? A bullet wound.

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What do you call a fart in a box? Your mom's pussy.

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A Gamer walks into the tavern, the bartender says to him, "just dont act like you control the place!"

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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A 16 year old boy and girl have unprotected sex. The girl becomes pregnant and decides to keep the baby. They both drop out of high school, get lots of government cheese, and the boy holds a steady job as manager at the local mcdonalds for the rest of his life.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing, because they weren't made. Cupcakes were made instead. Sorry, Muffins.

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Jennifer Kim... having a boyfriend!

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Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

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The other day I went into the bathroom to take a poo, It was Glorious I flushed the toilet and everything.

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Q. What do you get if you cross a suspicious person with a paranoid person? A. Who wants to know

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What more fun than a barrel full of monkeys? A barrel of dead babies

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Y didnt the grandma go to christmas? She died on thanksgiving

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Why did the dog cross the road? Because he saw another dog

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And so he penguin said, The is my most casual outfit!" HAAAW

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Your mama so fat she often lays awake at night wondering if you father is happy with their sex life. He isn't.

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like if your cool

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The Police. She told me she was nineteen.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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