Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

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A man with a broken arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I broke my arm, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Your mom is so stupid that she was unable to make it into the college of her choice.

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"Roses are red, violets are blue," she explained to the color blind child, who was unable to understand the concept of color.

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So this squirrel is walking across the road when a HUGE truck comes and smashes him beneath the tire.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

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what lies in ore an develops a golden tan ken bigleys body

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How do you get a one armed Polish man out of a tree? With a ladder, he needs help.

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What's red and fun to drink through a bendy straw? Period blood

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Light turned green, indicating that it was a safe and appropriate time to cross

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Donald Trump

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A man walks in to a bar, remembering he was actually going to the hardware store, he heads out and leave.

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What do you get when you add two boys and two girls in a basement? Four people fearing their lives during a tornado.

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What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexic Assosiation.

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what did the red towel and the blue towel say? Nothing because towels are inanimate objects and therefore can't talk.

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what did the oven say to the firdge you hot baby

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What is pink and smells like tuna? Salmon

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What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken

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What isyellow and can't swim? a bulldozer

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Ask me if I care. Do you care? No.

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whats worse than getting eaten by a bear a bear getting eaten by a squirrel who ate you too.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

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what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Christmas presents.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops