If life throws you lemons, get under some shelter so you don't get pelted by flying fruit and worry about making lemonade later.

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Roses are red Violets are purple, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.

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Hey girl, do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I dropped one and I can't find it.

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Why did the computer crash? Because it had too much alcohol.

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Do I ever ask yo a question that I havn't given you the answer to Mr Hearty.

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What do a Jew and a whale have in common? They're both Jewish. Except the whale.

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What's worse than finding The Holocaust in your apple? Most things, because that's impossible.

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Q. What did the boy do for his birthday? A. Nothing. His birthday occurred on 9-11.

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Yo mamma's so fat that the gravity required to keep her on the ground is significantly smaller than an average sized human.

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Two reporters walk into Tah rir Square. Both are abused and that's sad.

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A horse walks into a bar, and is then put down because of the injuries it sustained from the impact.

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Q. What did the father say to his son? A. Nothing, he just hit him with his belt. His wife tried to intervene, but she too was hit by said belt.

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The First National Tree Bank just closed down. Don't worry it started a brand new branch.

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Knock knock! Who's there? ... There was no reply because the person who knocked was the mailman delivering a package, and he had a tight schedule so he couldn't stay around to chat.

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what did the history teacher say to his class? Get your books out.

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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last night i was doing some guy in the ass. i went to give him a reach around and the homo had a boner! freakin queer.

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What do you say to a black man driving a car? Taxi

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Why did my penis cross the road? To get to the other vagina.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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What did the police officer say to the bank robber? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense.

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A man walks into a bar and at the bar he sees this guy with a blue head. He asks the man with the blue head if he can buy him a drink. The man with the blue head says "sure... you want to know about the blue head don't you?" "Yes i do" "Okay it all starts with a genie, he gave me 3 wishes, the first wish was to have a beautiful wife and a house to put her in, the second wish was for a ton of money, and the third wish was for a blue head."

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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