- Anti Joke

Hey I just met you. And this is crazy. So get in my van. Cause I have candy.

What red, white, and blue? A white person who was raped by a clown.

Getting an STD. What's worse than mixing up the order of the joke and the punchline?

whats the best part about ebola? nothing ebola is a dangerous virus

Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus Knock Knock Who's there? Not Jimmy -thatcooltyguy

Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

What's brown and sticky A stick

Sticks and stones may break my bones because I have osteoporosis

Why was the boy sad? Because his pet bird couldn't fly. Why couldn't the bird fly? Because it was dead.

what did steven hawking say to the prostitute? Nothing, he is unable to speak, he needs help from his word speaker thing.

Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

why did so many people die in the typhoon in the Philippines because they had to finish there math homework

A Jew was walking home one night when two thugs leapt out of the darkness and demanded his money and other possessions at gunpoint. A reflection of how dangerous our streets can be at night.

A guy walks into a bar, has a few drinks with his mates and gets highly intoxicated.

Your cat was in pain after after a stack of books suddenly fell on it. It's pain is extra-strong so you give it ExtraStrength Tylenol. Guess what happens next time? Nothing. It takes only 50mg to 60mg of Tylenol to poison a cat. 1 ExtraStrength Tylenol tablet is about 10 times that amount (500mg). You killed your cat. It's dead now and there is no "next time"..

What did the viking say to the alien? "Vad i namn av valhalla är en utlänning gör här?"

HOW TO RE-AD : FOR DUMMIES. (HELLEN KELLER ADDITION)

Why did the Albino cross the road? He was going to the skin pigment store.

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Scientists are still unable to fully understand the brain functioning of chickens enough to comprehend their motives for doing such a thing.

knock knock WHO'S THERE?! ARE YOU A SEX CRIMINAL?! NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT TO YOU MUM!

What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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