Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Whats the difference between a soccer ball and a baby? Babies cry when I kick them.

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Q: What do a hockey coach and a bar stool have in common? A: because seven ATE nine

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There was once a man who lived in a box.

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Why was Six afraid of Seven? Seven was in a horrible car accident recently and became very disfigured. He didn't tell Six, so the initial shock of seeing him for the first time was quite jarring for Six. Seven has had multiple surgeries since and, once the swelling recedes, he should look much better. It will still hurt for him to chew though.

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You know what's funny with rape? Nothing. It's horror.

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one does, too.

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Why did the joke feel paranoid? Because everyone kept laughing at him.

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I have a friend named Dave, he lost his ID and now we call mim Dav

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hi penis ham telephone

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Why couldn't the man get a job at the daycare? Because he was a serial killer/rapist.

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What do you call a latino with a limp? John...his name is John

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Ben: do you want to hear a joke. jack: yh go on then, i bet its funny. Ben: Your future.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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what do you get when you combine an astronaut, a microwave and a bathtub? A suicide investigation

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Q: What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? A:One is fun to hit with a hammer, the other is a watermelon.

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What's the difference between a horse and a house? 1 letter.

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Rose: Mom, why was I named Rose? Mom: Because when you were born a rose petal landed on your head. Rose: Than why is my brother named Brick? Mom: I liked the name.

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How do you stop a friendly bear from bouncing up and down on your front lawn? Shoot it in the neck.

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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roses are red violets are blue count my five damn finger , and the third one is for you!!!!!!!!

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Q; What feels like plastic and tastes fake? A: School Food

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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