Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse..”

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How do you make a baby cry? You kill its mother.

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What's the best time to go to the dentist? When your tooth breaks or you need braces.

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Why did the horse escape from his stable? He didn't. He stayed there all night and his owner took him out the next day as the weather was beautiful.

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How do unwed mothers celebrate Mother's Day? The same way all mothers do.

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If you give a mouse a cookie... you're destroying their natural diet.

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Why did the boy want to sleep in the same bed as his parents? His bedroom was on fire.

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What shoes keep dogs quiet? Hush puppies.

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what's worse than waiting 45 minutes in an amusement park ride? getting your penis chopped off.

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I was typing a new book today (literature wild west, and I realized I had been writing the same shit over and over again for eight hours and was dead tired when It went so..) Welcome to the wild west, guns! Hayballs! MONSTER TRUCKS! And then I kinda thought to myself... Is it just me or am I trying a bit too hard? So guys? What do you think, am I trying a bit too hard here? Funny story, I am tired and drank lots of coffee, so I am holding back in order to not try so hard... Not trying hard enough to hold back? I am asking you! WHY? BECAUSE YOUR ANSWER DOES NOT MATTER! ARE WE GAME?

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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how does cody get laid? he doesnt.

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

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So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Not your cheese.

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why are there so many homeless asians with squinty eyes, they cant find their way back home

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What smells like old people and is white? Talcum Powder.

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whats small and sexually confused? YOu

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Q: What's worse than ten babies stapled to one tree? A: One baby stapled to ten trees.

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What do you call two Japanese men digging through rubble? Worried family members of missing relatives due to the recent devastating tragedy in the island nation of Japan.

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Cole likes to trim jaycie's butt pubes

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What did Helen Keller name her pet dog? dfhiwueghweigw

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I thought we where okay, you seemed so nice and calm before, are you okay? What happened?

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How do you stop a train? You stand in front of it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops