How long can penguins hold their breath underwater? Long enough for you to eat a baby and then cover for it.

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Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? A: You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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two muffins are in an oven and one turns to the other and says,'' hey, it sure is hot in here''. and the other one says," holy crap, its a talking muffin!''

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What did the Zen Buddhist say in the hamburger store? He said, "Make me one with everything."

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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yo mama's so fat, yo mama's so ugly; your mothers breasts sag with such severity that the late great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks

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Why does Obama not want to get buried? because he's still alive

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What is a ghost's favorite appetizer? Ghosts aren't real.

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a building? Catching it with a pitchfork.

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Why was the plumber sad? Because his family died in a car crash

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What do you call a Caucasian in Russia? Russian.

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why does the world spin? Chuck Norris says so

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What was so funny about my sister getting raped? Nothing, there's never anything funny about someone getting raped, especially when it is a close friend or family member

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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What is black and burns really well? charcoal.

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What do you call a person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk? A person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk.

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whats the best kind of chocolate bar? a larsbar

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Q: why did the chicken cross the road A: you are adopted

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How do you scare a blonde? Paint yourself yellow and call yourself big bird.

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Q: Why did the child fall? A: Because I shot him in the leg.

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What did the boy eat for breakfast? Food

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What do you call it when a blonde jumps off the Empire State Building without a parachute? Suicide.

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Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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